Fake It Until You Make It

March 1, 2013

I’m a big fan of fake it until you make it. When I was 20 years old, my social anxiety was so bad that I had a hard time calling a bowling alley to see if there were any non-league lanes available. I loathed going to parties when I only knew a few people there. [...]

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All Pain, No Gain

February 26, 2013

Hey! You know what sucks about the very beginning of getting into shape? Every. Fucking. Thing. EVERYTHING sucks. Giving up sugar sucks ass. Sugar tastes good..sugar makes you feel good…sugar IS YOUR FRIEND! Had a bad day? Cookies make it feel a little better. Husband is being a dick? Visit Ben and Jerry, they are NEVER dicks. [...]

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I Need To Catch A Mouse

February 17, 2013

For the first time in, well, since I can remember, I did my taxes early. Usually, I’m huddled behind the computer on the 14th of April saying the word fuck more than usual and SWEARING that I’m going to do them early next year. I did them early. I’m turning 50 in 8 days. I don’t [...]

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Running Into My Fifties…And A Running Giveaway

February 8, 2013

One time. I ran 3.2 miles all at once, ONE TIME. That was two years ago. A runner. I want to be a runner. I can do this. I can be a runner. There are a lot of things I want. Being a specific size isn’t as important to me as it used to be. Being [...]

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Hypochondrus Maximus

January 30, 2013

You know on the Road Runner cartoon how they showed the road runner and Wile E. Coyote in freeze frame with their scientific names? Yeah, imagine me…clutching my chest, thermometer in my mouth and a headache bag on my head. My scientific name would be Hypochondrus Maximus. This has been a rough Winter for me, [...]

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More Rage Beauty Tips

January 27, 2013

My vanity has suffered some blows lately. My near constant headache for the entire Winter has made me look less like the hot grandma that I really am and more like my real grandma who is dead. It’s not a good look for me. This is what I hear everyday: ‘Are you still sick’? ‘You [...]

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Whatever It Takes

January 21, 2013

I took my baby boy skiing last weekend. When I say I took him skiing, I mean I drove him and two of his friends to go skiing while I sat in the lodge and tried to read a book while they skied. For the record, people walking in ski boots are really fucking noisy….it [...]

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Just Hear Me Out

January 12, 2013

Yes, I am going to talk about manners. I am foul mouthed and very impatient and I am capable of extreme rudeness. I have been extremely rude. I can’t recall a time when I didn’t feel at least a LITTLE bad about exhibiting rude behavior. We get to decide to be polite every day. It’s [...]

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Call Someone Who Cares

January 8, 2013

When you have an adult child who is also an addict, telephone calls are not your friend. They range from the desperate ‘I need money RIGHT NOW’ calls to ‘I’ve been arrested’ calls. A ringing telephone can still bring tears to my eyes. Last year at this time, my biggest fear was that my son would [...]

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I Swear, I Am NEVER DRINKING AGAIN

December 31, 2012

Since we’ve all said this from time to time (And by all of us, I mean me) I thought it would be a nice public service to offer up some hangover cures as tonight is the drinkiest night of the year. I’ve decided that since it’s the last day of the year, I’m going to [...]

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