Bicycle Built For Two

by Michelle on August 25, 2013

You know how you get a really good idea and you’re sure it’s going to work out just as you envisioned?

Well, Randy and I decided to go for a bike ride this morning at the Loveland bike trail. It’s a LOVELY trail. Also, when I say ‘we decided’ what I really mean is ‘Randy reluctantly agreed to go’.

I thought a tandem bike would be fun! How hard can it be? It’s a fucking bicycle and bicycles are not hard!bike

As I try to write this, Randy is watching Do The Right Thing at a fairly high volume. My brain is trying to focus on this blog post, but then it hears Samuel L Jackson and perks up. Besides, Mookie and John Turturro are arguing and that shit is funny,

These are phrases spoken by Randy within 6  minutes of getting on the tandem bike:

“I am not enjoying this AT ALL”.

“This is really stressful”.

“Is the tire flat”?

I thought we were going to die. He was so tensed up that he was having a hard time controlling the bike. He also would randomly put the brakes on without telling me. I would be pedaling along, happy as a bike riding clam, when BLAM my pedals would freeze up. After a few shocks like that, I got a little annoyed.

One of the people I talk to on Twitter said that where they are from, they call tandem bikes ‘divorce bikes’.

I’m listening to Danny Aiello talk and that makes me think of the Papa Don’t Preach video and that makes think about Madonna. People are so fucking mean about Madonna. I think she looks incredible.

We made it about 20 minutes before giving up and trading our tandem bike in for two cruisers.

I suppose we should have considered the fact that Randy hasn’t been on a bicycle in 35 years. I probably should have insisted he got one with training wheels.

All in all, it was a beautiful morning. We also decided that we need to do this more often and buy our own bikes.

Not a tandem bike.




{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Tricia August 26, 2013 at 9:00 am

My husband & I can’t ride a tandem bike either. He giggles like a little girl & can’t control the bike!


Michelle August 26, 2013 at 9:02 am

I was just glad we didn’t kill ourselves..or anyone else.


Eli@coachdaddy August 27, 2013 at 1:11 pm

Shit, I’m so easily distracted, I’m about to write a comment about distractions and not about tandem bikes at all. If that NFL fantasy football commercial comes on when I’m writing, the one with the woman on Julio Jones’ shoulders who says, “yeah, but straight to Julio,” I stop what I’m doing to watch her six seconds of distraction.

Unbelievably, I’ve gotten distracted while writing about being distracted from the topic of your post – tandem bikes.

That’s the topic, right?


Michelle August 27, 2013 at 1:43 pm

HAHAHHA…that was like a little glimpse into my own head.


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