I Got A Crush On You

by Michelle on July 3, 2013

You guys, I wrote most of this blog post DAYS ago. I only had to fill in a few blanks and there it would be. A masterpiece. My BEST. BLOG. POST. YET.

I can’t find it.

I don’t know what the fuck I did, but it’s not saved anywhere. Yes, I checked that. And I checked that, too. It’s just gone.

This blog post was the one. The one that would catapult me to the ‘Decent amount of readers, but still, mentioning the blog or writer to virtually anyone and they are going to say Who?’ level.  You know, that level that still looks at the Bloggess and says, fucking hell, she is incredible. I hate her so much. Wonder if she has a new blog post? I am SO not buying her book. No way. Other than downloading it on my Kindle. Of course I’m going to do that.

This was the one that would earn me that little bald statue. Yep, I would have gotten an Oscar next year. It was SO good, that the academy would have added a ‘self-indulgent blog’ category because of this post. The post that I lost.

Fuck off, I really want to walk down the red carpet one day. Is that REALLY too fucking much to ask?

Well, now I have to start over and try to recreate that brilliance. No rubbing shoulders with people who harbor deep admiration and burning envy toward the successful bloggers. Also, I suspect the red carpet is right out.

I’ve written about self acceptance a couple of times. I meant those posts very much. But I was no where NEAR self acceptance when I wrote them. I’m still not.

I had an epiphany the other night.

I had short or kind of shoulder length hair my entire life. During my grade school years, my mother cut it herself into a ‘Pixie’. Also known by it’s other name, the Moe from the Three Stooges hair cut. I graduated from the pixie into the Tennille from Captain and Tennille, which led to the Dorothy Hamil which got me all the way to the decade of the curly perm and red hair and outrageously sized shoulder pads.

I started growing it out about 10 years ago. It’s taken a LONG fucking time to grow. I might have cut it too short a couple times in those years, but for the past 5, I have had very length removed. Now, while I still don’t consider my hair all that long, it’s pretty fucking long for me. Last weekend, I caught a glimpse of the side and back of my hair and though, ooooh…fuck yes…that is gorgeous.

What the fuck?

I don’t think shit like that about myself.

I want to, though. I’d really like to feel good about who I am no matter what I look like at any moment.

And this is where I have to recreate shit. I had 5 kick ass ways to completely dig who you are. The first one listed here wasn’t number one on the original list, but it’s the only one I remember..so it’s been bumped up to the number one spot.heart

1. Don’t fucking compare yourself:  Okay, and this is a completely random example, Linda Hamilton in Terminator II. If you think you can live 5 decades, being unhealthy and overweight for two of those decades and you still think if you just work hard enough…you could still look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator II , then you need to let that shit go. Sure an argument can be made for ‘it’s not impossible’ but be realistic here. It’s HIGHLY unlikely. That does NOT mean that you can’t get into amazing shape with kick ass muscles and an ass that isn’t flat and is gravity defying. Of course you can. But do you know how many people actually get to look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator II? One. Linda Hamilton. Again, that was completely random. I have never wished I looked like Linda Hamilton. I wanted to look like Sarah Conner.

And this is where I really DO have to fucking rewrite shit. I thought, fuck it..I’ll just find it..plug them in and we have us a blog post. But I really DON’T have it anymore. So, here we go..made up shit on a slightly boozy first night of a four day weekend.

2. Find SOMETHING to celebrate: There is ALWAYS something to celebrate. There is something to be grateful for. I’m willing to bet that every person who reads this blog post has a roof over their head and clean drinking water. It’s all fucking uphill from there.

3. Give yourself the top shelf prizes: Even when I reach a goal or grow a muscle that I can’t stop feeling up, I still don’t give myself the top shelf prizes. I get the prizes that are on the bottom shelf between comically large pencil and the over-sized bouncy balls. Next time I am getting a big Sponge Bob that is bigger than 3 of my 4 grandkids. I’m honestly not sure what the prize is yet. Maybe it’s just to be proud of myself.

4. Don’t wait: until you are stronger or smaller or faster before you change the way you move. That shit does not matter. So what if you come in last. Who cares if you can’t get through MOST of the obstacles on the mud run. DO IT ANYWAY. Get all muddy. Come in last. It doesn’t matter. You’re still doing better than sitting home and rewatching Lost or the X-Files.

5. Don’t give up on your appearance: This has NOTHING to do with looking good for men. Besides, we all know that’s bullshit. We look good for other woman which is just as fucked up. You know it’s true. You’ll look like the crypt keeper with hairy legs in front of your husband or boyfriend, but no way those bitches at the grocery store are going to see that shit. Decide to look good for you. Feel good about yourself. Look in the mirror and appreciate that face. It’s all yours, you might as well love it.

There you have it. Motivation to accept who you are.

As I said, I’m really not there yet. But I am getting better all the time. I might have developed the teeniest crush on myself.

Also, in the interest of honesty, there were actually SEVEN items on the original list.


{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Eli@coachdaddy July 4, 2013 at 9:12 am

It’s like I might have read your missing post somehow and decided to live a little of it. I’m shaving every day, taking seven extra seconds to make sure my clothes almost match, and just started a yoga class – even though I look like an armadillo amongst the blithe minxes who can do the cobra pose without looking angry at God, Jesus and that danged instructor.

I love this stuff you’ve posted – even if it’s two short of your original seven, all alcohol soaked and laced with the F word. Maybe the alcohol-soaked, condensed-to-five and F-word laced version is more impactful, anyway.


Michelle July 4, 2013 at 10:39 am

I’m sure the other one had just as many ‘fucks’ in it..that’s just me.

And good on the yoga! I bought a months worth of hot yoga classes but was holding off on starting because we have had so many plans lately..but after next week…it begins.


Cindy July 4, 2013 at 10:47 am

You are so fucking badass and so is this post. Now if only I could put some of those into practice instead of sitting at home every night and weekend watching NCIS reruns.


Michelle July 4, 2013 at 10:51 am

You can!! just make it 15 minutes or so..do something..ANYTHING is better than nothing. Then do a little more and a little more…


Candy @ Candypolooza July 4, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Great post!! Found you on The Bloggess ;) 5 excellent things to consider daily!


Michelle July 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm

Thank you so much…and that is some excellent company to find me in.


Lee July 6, 2013 at 8:09 am

I love it! But I always love your blog posts. I’m thinking of printing this off, not just for me, but for my 15 year old daughter; she needs a little encouragement to realize that just because she’s struggling with her weight like her mom, she’s still stunningly beautiful…and yes she can get there.

My husband and I actually started walking in the evenings, something we haven’t done together in a very long time. It’s not much, but it’s a little step in the right direction :) . Thanks for the list; maybe in time you’ll remember the original post, if not, this one is still excellent!


Michelle July 6, 2013 at 8:35 am

Thank you, Lee. I hope so much for your daughter that she embraces who she is NOW. Waiting decades for that to happen (if it ever does) is such a waste.

I’m glad you and hubs are walking. It IS something…getting up and moving counts for a whole lot.

also, thanks for your kind words about my blog posts. I really appreciate it.


Lee July 8, 2013 at 1:33 pm

You’re welcome :) I just love your blog so much. You’re brutally honest and sometimes I swear, my life is just as kaotic.

My girl is getting there. It’s a long road but she’s taking the right steps. She asked me to go to one of her therapy sessions with her this week; I was really happy she did. We go Wednesday morning. I think it will give me better insight to what she’s going through. Will keep ya posted :)


Joanna July 7, 2013 at 12:51 pm

LOVE THIS!! I’ve started trying just as many things I love about myself as I do my flaws. So, for example, when I say “Ugh, I hate my big, gross, chicken wings”, I have to follow up with “But, I do love the gorgeous tan I have on my shoulders and upper arms.”

Something positive for every negative. That’s what I’m going to try…and now I think I just found the topic for today’s blog post!! HA!


Claire Lopez July 10, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Love this! I needed a kick in the ass. Thanks! :)


Michelle July 12, 2013 at 1:48 pm

I am always happy to do a little ass kicking!


Cindy Seger July 12, 2013 at 1:34 pm

Great advice! So happy to have found your blog.


Michelle July 12, 2013 at 1:48 pm

I love new readers! I’m glad you fount it as well!


Lisa July 13, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Sometimes “faking it” til you make it and feel happy works!


Michelle July 13, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Very true..that’s how I stopped being painfully shy. Although, I still have my moments


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