My vanity has suffered some blows lately. My near constant headache for the entire Winter has made me look less like the hot grandma that I really am and more like my real grandma who is dead. It’s not a good look for me.
This is what I hear everyday:
‘Are you still sick’?
‘Your eyes look really bad’.
‘How’s Brad Pitt doing these days? All those kids keeping you two busy’?
Anyway, I’ve been slogging around like a crazy cat lady for way too many weeks. It’s time to start taking care of my appearance again. And as long as I’m thinking of it, I might as well pass some of these tips along to you.
Double Pony Tail – If you’re going to pull your hair into a pony tail, consider making it two, once stacked up on top of the other. It makes your pony tail look twice as full and long. And if you have enough stray hairs poking out, this technique can REALLY ramp up the crazy cat lady look.
Home-made Face Mask – I had a LOVELY facial a few weeks ago with an incredible technician. I admitted my extreme addiction to anything ‘anti-aging’ and fancy packaging. If it’s packaged in a jar with twine, I am totally buying that shit. She told me to save my money. A tablespoon of greek yogurt mixed witha teaspoon of powdered vitamin C is a wonderful mask. Especially if you have an uneven complexion. Which I do.
Old Pedicures – If you still have the vestiges of polish from a pedicure you got when it was still kinda warm out then it’s time to take that shit off. Trust me, I know of which I speak. I still have some purple on my big toes that looks like I’ve either been hit with a hammer or I’ve got some weird toe nail disease.
Uncle Fester Eyes – My marathon headache has given me some nice dark circles. I’d like to think that it just adds an air of mystery and just makes my peaches and cream complexion pop..but in reality, they age me by years. Getting enough sleep helps, but that’s not always an option. If you want to you cover up those dark circles, use a creamy concealer that matches your skin tone and cover with a loose powder. It’s not gonna make them perfect…but maybe they’ll end up looking just as endearing as Ashley Judd’s. And how come she looks good with dark circles when the rest of us look like we’re related to the Addams family?
My favorite beauty tip? Attitude. Attitude is most of all beauty. You keep your head held high, walk with a strut, and remind yourself EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. that you are a bad ass motherfucker. A lot of beauty stems just from that.
Okay..attitude and a good mineral foundation.
So..help me out here. Give me your best tips. I’m getting old…I need all the help I can get.