Where My Talent Lies

by Michelle on December 11, 2012

My mother and my two sisters are very artistic. They are talented and work in all kinds of medium. Baby sister just painted a table plaid. PLAID. I thought she covered it with material when I first saw it. She told me she’d show me how to do it..that it wasn’t that hard.

HAHAHAHfuckingHA! I don’t have the patience for that shit. I don’t even take the time to edit these blog posts..Shocking, I know.

My mother and my sisters can draw, paint, sew…you name it…they can do it. Now, I will admit to making a tiny bit of fun at Middle sister’s scrapbooking..but really, they are lovely. And all my pictures are just loose in boxes.

That being said, hubs and I went to a Wine and Canvas event last night. I had envisioned a large room with big easels set up, spaced wide enough apart to give the budding artists enough room to suit Jackson Pollock.

Turns out the easels are small and set up side by side on banquet style tables. Hubs and I are nice people. We just aren’t PEOPLE people. I made sure to give hubs an end seat so that I would be his only neighbor. As we waited for the sold out event to start, I watched the other participants milling about and categorized them. There were two old couples (of which we were one) there were bored looking soccer moms with their little fingers clutched around their wine glass stems and there were girls who were just a little beyond their sorority years.

As we waited the only other male in the class walked over and told Randy and I a joke about a lie detecting robot and porn. To my husbands credit, he did manage a smile at the poor guy’s lame ass joke and didn’t make a single sarcastic comment. Or growl. Either of those things are possible in nearly any public situation.

The 3 women across from me kept me entertained. They talked in bumper stickers. I seriously heard one say “Well..you know…friends are the family that you get to choose”. She was quite earnest. It was fucking adorable.

We did have a good time. Hubs knocked his plate of paint on the floor and it landed in such a way that no paint spilled anywhere. Had that been me, they would have had to repaint the entire place, and the bumper sticker girls would have looked like Adam Ant.

I’m not ever going to be an artist. It takes patience and time…I have no patience. I want to see results. I didn’t want to follow the instructions because it was boring. I just wanted to color. Hubs was even worse at following instructions. I can say that I fully understand now why my eyeliner looks like it has been applied by a toddler every morning.

All that being said…I’d do it again. Not next week or anything, but I’d do it again. It was fun and different and better than lying around watching TV. I was happy that Randy tagged along and didn’t mind at all that I”m turning him into a girl.

We get this one life..as far as I know…might as well try new things. Might as well make something pretty.

And I learned where my talent lies. My talent lies in sarcasm.


{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Tonyne (@unlikelytonyne) December 11, 2012 at 10:44 am

“and the bumper sticker girls would have looked like Adam Ant.” I seriously just started laughing out loud at my computer screen which just confirmed for my co-workers that I am batshit bananas.

We have a place about 45 minutes away called “Wine and Design” that is like this, I’ve been wanting to go but like you, painting is not my strong suit (however based on that painting you are lying) however my brother and sister are art geniuses.


Michelle December 11, 2012 at 11:08 am

If you saw it up close, you would change your tune..but still..it WAS fun..I suggest you go try it..just for laughs


Jack Sh*t December 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

Well, as the lady in front of you might have said, “Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.” I think in your case, that means that you should be sarcastic about God. Wait… that can’t be right. Let me check and get back to you on that…

Meanwhile, I bid $500 for the painting (I’m an art collector!).


Michelle December 11, 2012 at 11:09 am


And let me know..cause if I follow your advice and end up in hell..well..at least I’ll know a lot of people. I’ll save you a seat.


Carin December 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

I hear ya. I can’t draw a stick person to save my life.


Michelle December 11, 2012 at 11:09 am

Hahaha…yeah…I had fun, though..


Jackie [Hot at Home] December 11, 2012 at 6:09 pm


“They talked in bumper stickers.” and the Adam Ant reference had me.. on.. the.. FLOOR!!!

You’re hilarious.

Keep writing. Cuz your talent ALSO lies in writing.

luv ya.


Ragemichelle December 11, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Thank you, sweetness!! I AM working on a project..about 20k words done so far..Then comes the editing. I hate the editing.


Jackie [Hot at Home] December 11, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Editing is the most fun. Taking something and making it better!! Glad to hear you’re still grinding away at it. It’s gonna be fantastic!!!


Jackie [Hot at Home] December 11, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Oh, and btw… when editing, don’t overthink what you wrote… you write marvelously… Use your editing process to merely clean up syntax, grammar and spelling. Leave your ‘first gut’ way of saying things the hell ALONE! If you don’t edit here, then I can take what I read here to already know that what your first gut spills is MAGIC!!



Ragemichelle December 11, 2012 at 10:49 pm

I feel like complete shit tonite…I have to say..this cheers me up a little through my NyQuil haze…

Deb December 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm

LOVE Adam Ant! <3 <3 <3 Also LOVE your painting (hubs' too!) I can't paint to save my life, though I do okay with charcoal even though I hate it because its so messy. Then again, maybe I should try finger painting instead… that would at least be fun for sure!


Ragemichelle December 11, 2012 at 10:50 pm

You know..fingerpainting WOULD be a lot of fun..


Lizzie December 12, 2012 at 11:31 am

Michelle’s “HAHAHAHfuckingHA!” sarcasm is God’s way of showing us he loves us.

I need a bumper sticker that says THAT.


Ragemichelle December 12, 2012 at 11:44 am

awesome! That would be lovely…and more than likely offend some of the people..


Val December 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Don’t sell yourself short – both your artworks look good enough to hang on the wall…
But Jackie already said it – you’re a great writer too!


Michelle December 16, 2012 at 8:35 am

Thank you, Val..I really appreciate that!


Val December 12, 2012 at 12:34 pm

(That came out unclear – I need an editor fer sure! – I know the one on the left is Randy’s)
P’s mom dabbles in watercolors – maybe I could drag him to a similar event!


Michelle December 13, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I understood!


Cynthia December 13, 2012 at 10:22 am

You did damn well! And hubs too! I’m impressed that you got hubs to do this! Next can be a pottery class! And you both can reenact the infamous scene from the movie “Ghost”! Of course there has to also be awesome music playing in the background too.

You brighten my day with your vivid imagination and humor! Thank you!


Michelle December 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Thank you so much!! And yeah..a pottery class could be fun. I could see fusing my fingers together..but other than that..


Ara December 15, 2012 at 9:20 pm

I think you’re very artistic! If I were to do a painting like that, it’d look like a 3 year old did it.


Michelle December 16, 2012 at 8:34 am

Thank you, sister!


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