Quite often, this is a blog about what NOT to do if you want to get into shape.
I am an expert on how to fuck up weight loss and how to not get into shape. I could be a consultant. Get paid big bucks. People would be clamoring for my help all the time. If only this were the 17th century and we were all striving to be a model for Peter Paul Rubens.
Anyway, in my last post, I promised to post a recipe for slutty brownies. You can make these one of two ways. You can google ‘Slutty Brownies’ and find a fuck ton of recipes with loads of ingredients OR you can take the easy way out.
Just layer a baking dish with pre-made chocolate chip cookie dough, then cover that with a layer of Oreos, then cover that with a box of brownie mix that you’ve assembled according to the brownie mix instructions.
Bake them as long as it takes the brownies to cook. I think. Really..it doesn’t matter much if they aren’t baked exactly right..you can always eat the partially baked slutty brownie goodness right out of the pan with a wooden spoon. Or your fingers. Whatever works for you.
When you get these out of the oven, something magical will happen.
You know that whole devil/angel on your shoulder thing? Well…that will actually happen. You will have a devil and an angel on your shoulder. The devil will tell you…don’t even wait for them to cool off…shove your face into the pan. Start eating them NOW. The devil is evil. You really should wait until they are cooled off or you will burn the roof of your mouth and that will detract from your slutty brownie experience. The angel will try to convince you to not eat them AT ALL…you can’t eat that. It represents everything that caused your ass to swell in the first place. Have a carrot stick instead. Or some string cheese.
My suggestion is you shove a piece of slutty brownie in the angel’s slutty brownie hole to shut her up.