Wrath
Wrath is also known as rage. Being it’s in the title of my blog, I guess you could say it’s my pet deadly sin.
Okay, it’s really not my favorite. My favorites are a toss up between Sloth and Gluttony. But this post isn’t about them. It’s about wrath.
My little blog is coming up on it’s second birthday. I have maintained throughout that I am in no way an expert. I believe I’ve even said a number of times that you should NEVER take my advice to heart as I could be completely wrong.
That being said, I’m backing off the ‘not being an expert’ disclaimer for this post.
I am a rage expert.
This is not something I am proud of.
I was raised by a very VERY angry man. When I say angry, I don’t mean yelling at the TV angry or the curmudgeonly dad from ‘A Christmas Story’ angry. I’m talking ‘court ordered electric shock therapy’ kind of rage. Way back in 1967, when I was barely more than a toddler, my dad made a number of trips to the hospital, but no one told me why. I didn’t find out until years later that he was being treated for his psychotic episodes with electric shocks to the brain.
It didn’t help.
Or at least it didn’t seem to. Maybe he would have been worse. Who knows? 
The point is, I grew up around a lot of rage. Other than him being a total dick most of the time, I remember him getting most angry while driving a car.
I yell at other drivers. I yell at them A LOT.
I don’t blame my father for who I am today. I am an all grown up girl. My issues are mine alone. My behavior is dictated by me and no one else. I can say, however, that he did provide a detailed blueprint.
Over the past five years I have dealt with fear on a scale that I can hardly bear to think about. A drug addicted child is a scary thing. Lately, though? Lately I have been ANGRY with him. And do you know what? I can handle it. In fact, it’s comforting. I understand anger. Anger is a safe and comfortable place for me. It occurs to me that if I view anger as a safe haven…then..it’s possible..maybe just a LITTLE possible, that I have some anger issues that I need to face up to.
Honestly, I’m always going to live up to the title of my blog. I like being a crabass. It suits me. But perhaps, as long as I’m going to keep growing and changing that perhaps I could start by NOT freaking out over all the other drivers simply because they exist.
Next, I can think about working on my propensity to ram other people’s grocery cart with mine.
Although, really…those people should NOT be blocking the whole fucking aisle.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I struggle with this. Big time! UGH! I tend to internalize it. It’s a shock I don’t have an ulcer or something.
When I was a kid, my mother fed me Maalox every day. I still struggle with upset stomachs. When I was a kid I internalized a LOT. I still do….but it spills out as well.
The always hysterical Canadian TV host and all-around funny guy Rick Mercer says, “Anger is my cardio.”
I have not heard him before…but my next stop will be youtube..
SWEET JESUS!! REALLY? (about your Dad, I mean).
“Everyone is a product of their environment” <– this is pretty true. Good for you for recognizing it AND overcoming it. Cuz many are unable (or unwilling) to do either.
(there's also a song by Public Image Limited in which some of the lyrics are: "Anger is an Energy" (repeat ad nauseum) … I love that song cuz it makes me want to work hard during my workouts … I also have a lot of anger at times. And no I don't internalize it. Hence I get called a bitch a lot… lol)
and no, they shouldn't be blocking the whole goddamned aisle!
luv you lots.
Jackie
I LOVE that song…you could be wrong you could be right.. XXOO
Being a bitch isn’t all bad…we do have our moments, though.
Michelle
I think I am an angry person but I tend to simmer. And simmer. Mostly I eat my anger – which is a problem.
Occasionally I let it out and it’s usually a smart-mouthed barb at some innocent bystander! (Yes, I have occasionally made a comment about someone in the express aisle with the supermarket with more than the limited number of items!!!)
Deb
I was mean to a fast food lady today.
I let my 14 yr old get fast food and we were waiting FOREVER…two people who ordered after us got their food and left. Then one of the workers pointed at my ticket and said…what about that? this manager chick said, I’m not worried about that one.
Really?
Then she asked me what I was waiting for. I told her, The one you’re not worried about.
I don’t get angry very often, but when I do… holy balls! And it’s always little things that trigger the anger. I can deal with major situations that piss me off royally – but give me a slow driver, people taking up a whole damn aisle just to chit chat, or a person behind a register talking on the phone instead of serving their customers? Oh, then it’s on like Donkey Kong!
Yeah, I get angry over those things almost immediately…kinda like I’m waiting for it to happen. I would like to stop doing that..
I personally like your RAGE. I think anger is healthy, especially when dealing with all the stuff you have been dealing with lately.
I also think that you neglected to mention that your rage is also full of wit and sarcasm, and that is my favourite part!
Thank you. I DO express it..it’s just that sometimes I let it get away from me and get upset over little things that I should be letting go.
Michelle, you’re not Asian. Leave the ramming people with your shopping cart to them!
(To anyone I may have offended- my bff’s mom is Korean, and I shit you not, she used to run people down with her shopping cart in the stores. Her driving was pretty much the same.)
hahaha…yeah..I shop in an international market..those little old asian ladies are scary as FUCK
Just on twitter and thought I’d drop a note. I had visited previously, after your hosting of the twitter chat (which was one of the BEST), and was so tired I just fell asleep after reading a post or two here.
I feel your pain – on a few levels. I had a sister who was a serious heroin addict who is gone now. Two years…and similar to you, I wasn’t raised in the best circumstances and am a good and faithful friend to anger. And i”ll never give it up. It has fueled me in so many ways and healthy ways too, that I cannot even count. Anger is this ugly emotion and people get all freaked out by it but it’s also a sword and shield and fuck, if I don’t get pissed off at the ignoramus in the middle of the aisle with his entire family talking about a box of pasta.
Move. The rest of us have a life to live. But do I say it? I just say really loudly, “EXCUSE ME” to remind them that they are idiots and pass through.
Anyway, on the subject of anger, it can sometimes prevent you from doing too much for someone, anymore. It can sometimes help you move on.
Thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry for your loss. I have the fear down to a manageable level as my son has been clean for months now. I worry though..and the anxiety is what’s killing me. BUt you know that. Thanks for listening to my twitter rants.
Of course! I love rants
.