Wrath is also known as rage. Being it’s in the title of my blog, I guess you could say it’s my pet deadly sin.
Okay, it’s really not my favorite. My favorites are a toss up between Sloth and Gluttony. But this post isn’t about them. It’s about wrath.
My little blog is coming up on it’s second birthday. I have maintained throughout that I am in no way an expert. I believe I’ve even said a number of times that you should NEVER take my advice to heart as I could be completely wrong.
That being said, I’m backing off the ‘not being an expert’ disclaimer for this post.
I am a rage expert.
This is not something I am proud of.
I was raised by a very VERY angry man. When I say angry, I don’t mean yelling at the TV angry or the curmudgeonly dad from ‘A Christmas Story’ angry. I’m talking ‘court ordered electric shock therapy’ kind of rage. Way back in 1967, when I was barely more than a toddler, my dad made a number of trips to the hospital, but no one told me why. I didn’t find out until years later that he was being treated for his psychotic episodes with electric shocks to the brain.
It didn’t help.
The point is, I grew up around a lot of rage. Other than him being a total dick most of the time, I remember him getting most angry while driving a car.
I yell at other drivers. I yell at them A LOT.
I don’t blame my father for who I am today. I am an all grown up girl. My issues are mine alone. My behavior is dictated by me and no one else. I can say, however, that he did provide a detailed blueprint.
Over the past five years I have dealt with fear on a scale that I can hardly bear to think about. A drug addicted child is a scary thing. Lately, though? Lately I have been ANGRY with him. And do you know what? I can handle it. In fact, it’s comforting. I understand anger. Anger is a safe and comfortable place for me. It occurs to me that if I view anger as a safe haven…then..it’s possible..maybe just a LITTLE possible, that I have some anger issues that I need to face up to.
Honestly, I’m always going to live up to the title of my blog. I like being a crabass. It suits me. But perhaps, as long as I’m going to keep growing and changing that perhaps I could start by NOT freaking out over all the other drivers simply because they exist.
Next, I can think about working on my propensity to ram other people’s grocery cart with mine.
Although, really…those people should NOT be blocking the whole fucking aisle.