Back in the eighties, I worked for an investment company. All my coworkers couldn’t WAIT to see Wall Street.
Not me. I talked to people on Wall Street every fucking day. Why would I want to pay money to go watch a movie about my fucking job?
I did get around to seeing the movie, though. It was years later, but I have seen it. And I’m glad I did. It helps me out with the next deadly sin.
Greed is the desire to collect as much as you can. Far beyond what you need.
I can say that over the years, any time I’ve tried to feel better by having more, it’s never worked.
Now? Our kitchen table came from a yard sale. I paid $5 for it 16 years ago. It’s perfect. Our kitchen chairs are plastic Ikea chairs and our living room furniture comes from yard sales and thrift shops.
I’m happy with it.
If I have to choose between grown up furniture and a weekend trip? The trip ALWAYS wins.
It occurred to me today as I continue down the path of the seven deadly sins, that what is behind MOST of them is emptiness. Extreme emptiness.
I feel on the precipice of emptiness quite a bit. When it gets too close, I go to Sephora and buy makeup. Or I eat a cupcake. These things don’t make the emptiness go away, they only serve to make it less scary.
For a few minutes.
You know what has been shrinking the empty space for me?
KNEES TO CHEST, BITCH!
Committing to working out. Committing to making better choices. Committing to actually doing my job at work, no matter how much I hate it there. I want to feel GOOD about myself. The better I feel, the lighter the world gets.
I’m all for dark at night. I don’t want a bit of light in my room. but in my head? I need a LOT less darkness.
At least I don’t have too much of a greed issue.
You know, we all have moments of greed. Unless you’re Ghandi. Which you are not. But why? Why do we want more than we need? Is it for personal comfort? Because I can almost get behind that. Is it because we want the good opinion of others? That, I can’t get behind. I’m not saying that I NEVER care about what other people think…but I don’t WANT to care.
Are we just trying to fill dark space?