We’re having ourselves a tiny little pity party tonight…
These are things I DO NOT WANT:
I don’t want the special ‘mom hell’ of having a child who is an addict. It sucks. It’s painful. I did NOT sign up for this shit. I know we all have pain, we do. But watching your kid withdraw from heroin is a gut wrenching exercise in torture that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
Well…maybe on my worst enemy.
I don’t want to struggle with my weight.
I don’t want to have to work at a job I hate.
I don’t want to worry about money.
I don’t want car problems.
I don’t want to my stepdaughter and granddaughter to move farther away.
I don’t want my mother to get older.
I don’t want to wait for months for the next Sons Of Anarchy episode.
Perhaps that last one is reaching. A little.
Okay…that’s all out on the table.
Here is my reality.
My son is doing well right now. He hasn’t used in months. I know this is true. You know how I know? Because I KNOW WHAT A JUNKIE LOOKS LIKE. I wasn’t supposed to be an expert in that area. Nevertheless, he’s doing well now. I need to appreciate that and stop waiting for it to all go to shit again. It might. It really might. But it hasn’t. So, I should stop buying trouble.
Maybe I am not where I want to be weight wise, but my muscles are fucking bad ass and I’m working as hard as I can to change it. I’m aging, but I’m strong. I can’t ask for more.
The job? Well, I need to keep this job. It pays well and I’m doing fine. In the mean time..I am writing again and I’m happy with what I’ve written. There are many people without jobs. Perhaps I should at least consider stop being a little punk ass bitch about the job.
Money issues..well, a few medical bills aside, my bills are paid. Can I handle an emergency? Fuck no…but again..I should stop borrowing trouble.
I’m working on financing for a second car. Car woes will soon be solved.
Sure…Little sister and baby girl ARE moving further away..but they are already 3 hours away..what’s a few more hours?
And my momma is 72, but I’m pretty sure she could still kick my ass. She’ll be here a while longer.
Nothing else really…just feeling a tad overwhelmed.
It does not serve us well to get bogged down in the negative. Our lives are what they are. We all have things that suck..we can wallow or move forward.
I’m going to move forward.
And Sons will be back in the Fall.
So, help a sister out…I’m not the only one who finds themselves drowning from time to time, right?