You know, we don’t get many perfect days.
Today? Today is a perfect fucking day. 72 degrees, Aretha Franklin singing Rock Steady, jalepeno cornbread and strawberry moonshine. Fudge brownie incense is burning, pinwheels are spinning and flags are flying.
I’m sitting here wearing red capri pajama bottoms that are WAY too big, a gray wife beater and my bifocals. No makeup and I didn’t even ATTEMPT to comb the rats out of my hair after my shower.
So yes..I AM qualified to hand out even more beauty tips.
1. Anti-Aging shit is just that…bullshit. I’ve heard over and over and OVER that the expensive moisturizers and eye creams and facial washes are essentially the same as the cheap stuff. So…we should save our money and NOT over spend just because a fucking package has something about anti-aging on it. Will I STOP buying shit that says anti-aging? Nope. I keep holding out hope for the miracle to come.
2. Drink more moonshine. Seriously, you drink a little moonshine and you will look AMAZING. I have a big ass mirror in my kitchen. When I say a big ass mirror…I MEAN a big ass mirror. Alice in the Looking Glass would covet my motherfucking mirror. Mostly, I avoid eye contact with myself when I pass the mirror…today? I am checking my big bad self out in my kitchen mirror and I have GOT to say….I look goooood.
3. White Eyeliner Some white eyeliner on your inner lid is your friend. Want big sexy eyes? Before you line the OUTSIDE of your lids in black (or color of your choice) put just a little white liner on your inner lids..
4. Little Summer Dresses. I don’t give a fuck where you are in your weight loss journey, little Summer dresses are ALWAYS good. Ummm…unless you aren’t a girl. Unless you aren’t a girl and you WANT to wear a Summer dress. There is no judging on this blog. Unless you wear Crocs. Then I will judge the shit out of you. And if you wear Crocs and a little Summer dress, I will hunt you down and shoot you. I also might make you eat a few kitten brains until you come to your senses.
5. Body Butter. Go to your local farmer’s market and find the hippy chicks that make their own body butter. They’ll be there..they are ALWAYS there. I bought Neroli and Rose today. I smell fucking AMAZING and my skin is like my granddaughter’s. Also, hubs spent the better part of the morning icing me down. Which leads to activities that I can also recommend as a beauty tip. That glow looks good on ALL of us.
6. Don’t neglect your workouts. When we move our asses, not only our asses look better..we look better all over. Our eyes are more clear and our step is more lively. We feel better about ourselves…and feeling good about yourself? That’s better than all the makeup in the fucking world. Although, good makeup DOES run a close second.
There you go..
More beauty tips…
Now..I think I will spend the rest of my day enjoying this perfect day. Hubs will be grilling me a steak soon…And for some reason..the tunes on the juke are ones I love. Usually we have to have little fights over this.
I hope all of you are having a perfect day as well.