You know what I want to do? Just ONE time?
I want to get my curling iron out and eighties up my hair. I want to tart myself up with heavy makeup and false eyelashes. The works. I want a big booby bra and a sleazy evening gown and whore shoes and THEN, I want to walk down the red carpet.
Just ONE time. Is that too much to ask?
I want flashbulbs a poppin every where and I want to wave that two handed wave that I’ve been practicing for years. You know, just in case I get famous.
In reality, what would happen is I’d freak out from all the flash bulbs, I’d become horribly self concious and I’d fall right the fuck off those whore shoes. And then I’d flash my granny panties. Of course, I’m sure THAT is the only paparazzi pictures that would ever be seen.
I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I’m never walking down the red carpet.
HOWEVER..
I DID win an award.
Charles from Sub-three gave me the prestigious Liebster award.
I’ve never heard of the award, but what the fuck? I say any recognition is GOOD recognition. Unless it’s my former sister in law. I would prefer she forget what I look like altogether.
And there it is…my Liebster. I’m thinking of having a room built to hold it…then I can leave my laptop in that room and when people come over, I can casually wave toward the room and say.. “Oh, THAT room…that’s where I keep my Liebster”.
There are conditions that go along with the Liebster. Normally, I don’t like conditions…reminds me too much of previous marriages.
Any way…here are the rules…
1. Choose 5 up-and-coming blogs with less than 200 followers to award the Liebster to.
2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
3. Post the award on your blog. List the bloggers you are giving the award to with links to their sites. Leave comments on their blog so they know about the award.
4. Share 5 random facts about yourself that people don’t know about you
Okay…about that number 4. I am hard pressed to come up with five fucking things I’ve never shared on my blog. I’m an open book. What the fuck is there to say? I’ll give it a shot, but I’m really afraid I’m going to have to dig into the depravity files for this…
In 1998, I came in 10th in the annual Writer’s Digest contest in the personal essay category. I wrote an essay about traveling by bus with my son and it was titled Eight To Nine In 66 Hours.
When I got married the first time, our hotel burned down on our honeymoon.
My two favorite scents are toast and lilacs.
I got Tom Cruise’s autograph when he was in Cincinnati filming Rain Man.
I can speed read.
Whew..no depravity. That was close. Thank the fucking stars it wasn’t SIX things.
And here are the five up and coming blogs I’ve chosen. And by chosen, I mean I asked people on twitter if they wanted to be featured. Here they are in order by color:
Chris, from The Body Moment. – I got tired reading his blog, I was worn out just THINKING about all the working out. Seriously..he has some great food and exercise information in his blog. You should do yourself a favor and check it out. Also, it appears he’s kind of a smart ass (he knows why I say this) so that definitely earns him extra award points.
Tryanythingfitness - @DondaRex5 from twitter offers a glimpse into her fitness world. If you are like me and you are a self proclaimed voyeur, then check this blog out. I can NOT get enough of peeking into people’s personal lives. I was probably the original peeping Tom in a former life.
Kara from Kararuns – I really REALLY want to be a runner. I’m pretty fucking far from being a runner, but I will get there. I love the inspiration in her blog. Do yourself a favor and click on the ‘get inspired’ tab and read to your heart’s content.
Christine from Love, Life, Surf - Seriously…she surfs. That is so fucking exotic to me. Anyone who surfs AND blogs deserves a nice following…
Bang, from Run Bang Run – All that really needs to be said here is tutu. Okay, PURPLE tutu. How fucking cool is that. Anyone who has a picture of themself in a tutu on their blog should get ALL the awards.
And with THAT…I pass the Liebster torch. Have fun fellow bloggers!
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I dunno, coulda been depraved. Did YOU burn the hotel down, and was hubs #1 inside it?
we both were. It was in the Caymen Islands. I woke up in the middle of the night because lights were flashing. Our room didn’t burn, but a large portion of the hotel did. We slept on lawn chairs on the beach. A palmetto bug crawled on my face. It was fucking awesome.
Congrats on your award! I imagined you all tarted up and doing your two handed wave on the red carpet. You looked gahjus dahhlink!
Ohhh…thank you sweetheart. It would be fun, wouldn’t it?
Thanks so much for including me! You. Are. Awesome. Also I think you should elaborate on the whole hotel burning down on your honeymoon thing! What?!?
We were in the Caymen Islands and our hotel caught on fire in the middle of the night. We ended up sharing a condo with another couple from New Jersey who were also on their honeymoon. Lou and Kelly. I don’t remember their last name as that was…well…26 years ago.
Wow. I’m really fucking old.
Thanks for including me too! Ha ha! Our honeymoon B&B burned out the night before we got there. That was fun trying to scramble for a hotel literally on the way to the airport.
HAHA…that’s pretty funny!
Thanks for the award Michelle! Finally got a chance to respond. I love your gratuitous use of the word “fuck”. You’re a potty mouth’s inspiration!!
It’s such a versatile word!!
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