Okay, so you KNOW you want to get into better shape but you still aren’t feeling motivated enough to actually get started?
1. Living well is the best revenge. I don’t care HOW nice you are or how much everyone loves you..there is at least ONE person in your life that you have to deal with that you don’t like and who doesn’t like you. A co-worker? Sister in law? Neighbor? You start getting into shape and it will drive them BATSHIT. Just picture them doing that long and slow burn. Makes you want to start working out right this second, doesn’t it?
2. You’ll be more speedy. Hopefully, this will never be an issue, but what if you find yourself in a situation where you have to RUN? Suppose a bear is charging or an axe-weilding psycho is coming toward you and a group of family or friends. Or strangers..it doesn’t really matter. You do NOT want to be the slowest in this situation. No one wants to be bear food.
3. You will sound youthful. Old people talk about aches and pains. The only things old people like to talk about more than aches and pains is free food and how often their relatives don’t visit. If you aren’t in shape, those aches and pains years will set in way too early. Then you’ll be one of them. You don’t want to be old ache and pain lady when you aren’t even 50 yet. Or as I choose to call it, the new 30. In fact, I’m going to have to insist you all follow suit. I will be the new 30 next year. By then, I want any references to age 50 eradicated.
4. You won’t get winded as easy. Your phone rings and you have to sprint to get it? Well, if you’re out of shape you’re gonna get winded and then you’ll sound like a creepy old person when you answer the phone. People are gonna say “WHAT were you just DOING”? And you’re going to have to convince them that you really weren’t just masturbating, that YES, you DO get that winded just from sprinting from one room away.
5. What if you fall and break your leg and need an ambulance? You don’t want to have to tell the 911 operator that they need to send their biggest and most burly EMTs. And if there are steps involved, do you really feel comfortable with strangers getting you down those steps with out dropping your ass? You don’t want to live out one of those movie scenes where the wheelchair or gurney or whatever rolls out of control. Sure, it might be funny in the movies. Pretty sure it would be horrifying in real life. Not to mention your broken leg might become the least of your problems. One of which very well may be Youtube.
6. Live your life. In all seriousness..when you feel good, you do more. How many times have you decided ‘just staying home’ was the best option? I’m not saying that isn’t valid some of the time or even most of the time. But if you find you don’t really do much of anything, then life is just sliding past you. We just get this one….don’t squander it.
Yeah, that last one. I’ve squandered way to much of my time. I don’t want to lose any more of it. I want to feel good enough to get up and move. I don’t want tiredness or aches and pains to slow me down.
I also want to weed my garden. It’s not my weight that’s keeping me from that, though. I just saw a fucking snake.
Help us out here. Give me another good reason to get into shape.