Cue Theme Music

by Michelle on February 2, 2012

Personally…I’m using the Rocky theme

In this corner…wearing purple suede stiletto boots purchased under the influence of painkillers and weighing in at none of your fucking business – Rage Michelle

In the other corner, wearing a profound muffin top with bacon colored sateen trunks and a Krispy Kreme box colored terrycloth robe,  weighing in with the weight of the world – Major Shitstorm.

Yep, I’m fighting a major shitstorm and while I might not be able to control the vortex of suck,  I can control my health and my weight.

I had a small procedure two weeks ago where my doctor burned out my uterus. I am now at the end of my no exercise restriction. Which means tomorrow, we are back at it. As far as the procedure goes, it’s very worth having your uterus torched to give up periods FOR EV ER. Also, and this is HUGE…I also found myself the recipient of the best get well gift in the history of get well gifts. A plush uterus.

Seriously, it doesn’t get better than that. My pseudo kid who looks like  muppet had that waiting for me when I returned to work. I’m saving it for Christmas. It will look so festive on next year’s tree!

Okay, getting back on track. Now that I’m off exercise restriction, I can jump back in with both feet. I’ve already changed my diet and have been  seeing the scale nudge backward a little bit.

Wait..I have to back up. Back to the minor surgery. I have a question for all of you. Do you think it’s wise to leave someone who had been under anesthesia and different kinds of pain medicine all on the same day with internet access and a credit card? Let me answer that for you. NO. No, it’s NOT wise. It’s a very bad idea. Because if you DO that, they very well might buy a pair of really cute purple suede boots with ridiculously high stilleto heels.

I haven’t worn stilletos in two decades.

I thought about returning them, but then decided this would be more fun. Anyone out there where size 8.5 and are interested in some cute, yet deadly suede boots? Click the contact button and send me an email. I’ll mail them to you. I’m not kidding. You want them? I’ll give them to you. If I get multiple requests, I’ll do the fair thing and let my 13 year old son decide who gets them. One thing, though, if you DO get these boots and you break your damn leg because you’re crazy ass enough to wear boots like this, you are on your own, sister. Or brother with kinda small feet. There’s no judging here.

Okay, back to the blog post. I MEAN it this time.

Except now we’re out of time. You get the general idea, though, right?

Enough fucking around. Sure, things are difficult now. Yes, I’ve gained back nearly everything I’ve lost. My stress level is high enough that I’m actually worried I’m shortening my lifespan and I think I’m aging rapidly. It’s possible I could actually look my real age soon if I don’t find a way to R E L A X. These things are not acceptable.

Bring on the Rocky theme song. Bring on all the shitstorms you can bring.

The gloves are off. We’re gonna prove that it doesn’t matter how bad things get….you can STILL be healthy.

I’m not kidding about the boots. I’ll give it a few days and send them out some time next week.

{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Lisa February 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Yay, My Sista!!! Love the plushie. :-) You are going to beat the &%$# out of Major Shitstorm and win the belt! (Is it purple suede to match those kick-ass boots? Which, by the way….are MY size. :-D
Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Okay! Awesome…Imma give it a few days and then let my baby boy decide where they go. I just hope no one gets hurt. I walked around in them for 10 seconds and it scared the shit out of me..

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MCM Mama February 2, 2012 at 8:20 pm

That plush is AWESOME! (The boots are pretty darn cool too, but too big for my feet). Kick ass, girlie!

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Yeah, I LOVED my toy uterus…a fuck ton more than i like my real one. Although, it did serve it’s purpose twice, so perhaps I owe it a little respect.

Ehhh…fuck it. I still like my plushie better.

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KymberlyFunFit February 2, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Well, I don’t want the stiletto heels or anything. Not that I judge your taste, but I have not worn heels since …. I got a clue! But I do want to say your post made me laugh. So to return the favor I am going to help you RELAX!!!! Yes, RELAX!! SOME MORE!! NOW DAMMIT!!! Was that helpful?

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Actually, it made me laugh..so YES..I DID help. And I got that clue a long time ago as well..

Apparently, under the influence of percocet I forgt about the clue and buy inappropriate footwear.

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Angi February 2, 2012 at 8:38 pm

OK, not going to lie, the uterus may be the best gift ever. I kind of want to get one for a friend – where does one find a plush uterus?

Those boots are baller and my size and my favourite colour. Just sayin’

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

You can find the uterus at http://www.iheartguts.com

And I will put you on the list!

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Lisa February 2, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Those are AWESOME! The bf was just commenting that I don’t have enough whore boots.

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ragemichelle February 2, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Well, if you wear an 8.5 I will put you on the list!

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Lisa Eirene February 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

I do!

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ragemichelle February 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

okay then…consider yourself added

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Michelle February 3, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I will put you on the list!! And yeah, I love my plush uterus.

Lisa February 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

OMG, http://www.iheartguts.com is awesome!!! Thanks for the enlightenment!!!!

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Leah February 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

You have awesome taste while on pain killers. I’m an 8.5 and purple is my favorite color. I love your son. But not in a creepy way. Just a pick-me-I-love-those-boots way. :P

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm

smart girl! your the first one to suck up so far!!!

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Rizzle February 2, 2012 at 11:04 pm

OMG! I heart those boots! I shit you not, I wear a size 8.5 stiletto heel daily! If your (smart/funny/good looking/talented) boy picks me I will give him a big ole smooch for helping to feed my shoe addiction!

Xoxo. <– those smooches are just for you though!!

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Michelle February 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm

He IS all those things.

What’s funny? He has no idea I’m going to ask him to do this. Should be interesting. :)

Thanks for the smooches…I need ALL I can get these days.

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Jackie [Hot at Home] February 2, 2012 at 11:41 pm

WHERE’S THE CONTACT BUTTON?? I wear 8.5!!!!! :-)

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ragemichelle February 3, 2012 at 8:09 am

It’s at the very top of the page, by the home and about tabs.. :)

And I got your email.

XO

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Joanna February 3, 2012 at 7:47 am

Oh, I so wish my feet were small enough to fit into them. They are SUPER cute!!

My shitstorm has been kicking my ass for a month now. I’ve decided that I’m done taking a beating. It’s my turn to start doing the ass whooping…and I’m not going to stop fighting until that shitstorm is nothing but a mere vapor of what I used to be.

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ragemichelle February 3, 2012 at 8:10 am

You GO! We can do this. We deserve nothing less that to feel great and look fabulous!

no matter what though, I could never wear those boots..those days are over…

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Tara Burner February 3, 2012 at 8:19 am

while I wear a 8.5 ummm theres no way in hell i could walk in those! I’d break a leg, arm, hip, neck….glad you’re doing better and soon back to it!

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ragemichelle February 3, 2012 at 9:35 am

Thanks Tara!

I took a turn around my kitchen in them but that’s all i ventured. My fear mixed with the laughter of my husbands and kids convinced me that they just weren’t gonna work out.

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Courtney B February 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

I have never seen a plush uterus. Much cuter than the real thing.

Those are awesome boots! And I happen to be a 8.5. =)

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OldDogNewTits February 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Well, I kinda wish I was an 8.5 so I could get in on the fun. But I’m a measly 6.5 or 7 at best. Don’t think I could survive on those heels anyway but, having just recently endured my own surgery and pain pill extravaganza, I can totally relate to the purchase.

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Michelle February 3, 2012 at 7:31 pm

First…I must say…Old Dog New Tits is the best thing I have EVER read. Secondly..I wish I had measly feet. I’m SHORT and I have fucking swim fins. I hope you are recovering nicely. Is it the new tits?

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Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana February 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm

A broken ankle is not what either of us need. Though I like the trash factor. I could’ve used those a couple of weekends ago downtown in Five Points (an “emerging,” ahem, SCARY neighborhood where I saw a show lol).

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Michelle February 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

being the sexy beast you are…these boots would have only enhanced. Since they are too large, though..i will just be pleased that they will in no way harm you. I don’t think I could bear that..

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Chelsey February 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I would LOVE those boots, but I like my ankles not broken. You can do it lady! I listen to 80′s music to get my blood pumping and various top 100 club mixes to dance like and idiot.

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ragemichelle February 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I can do that!!!!!! I can dance like an idiot!!!!

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SinnerElla February 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Holy shitolla, Rock N Rolla. Got them today and I LOVE THEM! Thank you. They’re perfect for my whore photo shoot for the hubbs.
You never know, after, I may also pass them along for the next person who needs a little more whore in their life. :)
Thanks again, Michelle. You=Awesome (almost as much as I do lol)

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