Personally…I’m using the Rocky theme
In this corner…wearing purple suede stiletto boots purchased under the influence of painkillers and weighing in at none of your fucking business – Rage Michelle
In the other corner, wearing a profound muffin top with bacon colored sateen trunks and a Krispy Kreme box colored terrycloth robe, weighing in with the weight of the world – Major Shitstorm.
Yep, I’m fighting a major shitstorm and while I might not be able to control the vortex of suck, I can control my health and my weight.
I had a small procedure two weeks ago where my doctor burned out my uterus. I am now at the end of my no exercise restriction. Which means tomorrow, we are back at it. As far as the procedure goes, it’s very worth having your uterus torched to give up periods FOR EV ER. Also, and this is HUGE…I also found myself the recipient of the best get well gift in the history of get well gifts. A plush uterus.
Seriously, it doesn’t get better than that. My pseudo kid who looks like muppet had that waiting for me when I returned to work. I’m saving it for Christmas. It will look so festive on next year’s tree!
Okay, getting back on track. Now that I’m off exercise restriction, I can jump back in with both feet. I’ve already changed my diet and have been seeing the scale nudge backward a little bit.
Wait..I have to back up. Back to the minor surgery. I have a question for all of you. Do you think it’s wise to leave someone who had been under anesthesia and different kinds of pain medicine all on the same day with internet access and a credit card? Let me answer that for you. NO. No, it’s NOT wise. It’s a very bad idea. Because if you DO that, they very well might buy a pair of really cute purple suede boots with ridiculously high stilleto heels.
I haven’t worn stilletos in two decades.
I thought about returning them, but then decided this would be more fun. Anyone out there where size 8.5 and are interested in some cute, yet deadly suede boots? Click the contact button and send me an email. I’ll mail them to you. I’m not kidding. You want them? I’ll give them to you. If I get multiple requests, I’ll do the fair thing and let my 13 year old son decide who gets them. One thing, though, if you DO get these boots and you break your damn leg because you’re crazy ass enough to wear boots like this, you are on your own, sister. Or brother with kinda small feet. There’s no judging here.
Okay, back to the blog post. I MEAN it this time.
Except now we’re out of time. You get the general idea, though, right?
Enough fucking around. Sure, things are difficult now. Yes, I’ve gained back nearly everything I’ve lost. My stress level is high enough that I’m actually worried I’m shortening my lifespan and I think I’m aging rapidly. It’s possible I could actually look my real age soon if I don’t find a way to R E L A X. These things are not acceptable.
Bring on the Rocky theme song. Bring on all the shitstorms you can bring.
The gloves are off. We’re gonna prove that it doesn’t matter how bad things get….you can STILL be healthy.
I’m not kidding about the boots. I’ll give it a few days and send them out some time next week.