Itty Bitty Baby Steps

by Michelle on August 24, 2011

You know what itty bitty baby steps equal? An itty bitty booty.

Okay, it might take a shit ton of baby steps, but still…sooner or later, itty bitty booty can be yours.

I was contacted by Me You Health regarding a challenge they issued that revolved around small actions. The gist being, small actions add up to big fucking results.

I loved the daily challenge and was very pleased to note that I really didn’t have to change much for a lot of them, that these were things I have put into practice and are now commonplace for me.

However, it also reminded me:  I’ve been a slacker.

Yep. Can you believe it…if you read my blog, you KNOW I stay on the straight and narrow.

HA HA HA HA!! 

Seriously though, I really took  a shit ton of small actions in the beginning. I have since let them slide. Why? They weren’t all that hard. I hardly noticed any difference. In the beginning (my own personal Genesis) I swore off fast food. However, if we were traveling or if I really had no other choice (HEY! it can happen) I would order a burger with all the veggies and then throw away the top bun. Sure, it’s still a fast food burger, but half a bun is better than the whole damn thing.

I made more of an effort to plan lunches and dinners so that the normal weeknight dinner bullshit never came up.

Normal weeknight dinner bullshit:

Me: What should we do for dinner?

Hubs: I dunno, what do you want to do?

Me: I don’t care. I don’t feel like cooking. You wanna cook?

Hubs: No. I don’t feel like cooking

Me: Okay..out for wings then?

Rest of the family: WOO HOO!

Point being, I have slipped back a bit into old and unhealthy habits. This challenge has served as a reminder that it’s in my best interest to remember that small actions equal big results.

Now, I COULD give you a normal and tired out list of small actions to take to incorporate into your every day life. But where is the fun in that? Besides..you’ve seen them all already. So, here is an updated list of small actions you can take to better your health:

  • Switch to a smaller shot glass when drinking tequila.
  • When stealing food from the company fridge, be sure to ONLY take sandwiches made with whole grain bread.
  • If you are squeamish about the whole ‘stealing’ thing, then just replace your twinkies with something healthy pilfered from a co-worker’s lunch bag. But don’t take ANYTHING from George’s bag. He doesn’t wash his hands after taking a dump. Ewww.
  •  Don’t just bitch. Rant and wave your hands. It will burn more calories, plus, if you are REALLY good at it, people will eventually leave you alone. And at work, isn’t that a good thing?
  • Practice fidgeting.
  • When you master fidgeting, practice EXTREME fidgeting. On a personal note, I am pretty sure that if I wasn’t a fidgeter, then I would weigh at least 200 pounds more than I do now.
  • Sprint for the copy machine. Wait until you see another coworker heading for it. THEY won’t know it’s a foot race and you’ll win every time. So, not only will you burn extra calories, you are a winner as well!
  • Compliment your boss EVERY day. This will make you nauseous and you will lose your appetite. Bonus:  you are also more likely to get a raise and will therefore be able to afford that gym membership.
  • Pee standing up… doesn’t count for men, but women can burn lots of extra calories by contorting themselves to hit the appropriate pee angle. Bonus point: excellent drunken party bet.

My baby boy tried to help me come up with a few ‘small actions’ to post. I rejected them all. Why? well..because they weren’t all that funny. He DID concede that perhaps he could have ‘worded’ them better. I agreed with this. I told him he could have used completely different words.  And then he came up with the FINAL small action.

  • Instead of just THINKING about beating up your mom, actually DO it.

I love that kid.

Good luck with your small actions. All kidding aside, that’s what gets this shit done.

Itty bitty baby steps.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana August 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm

You are correct as usual, i DO love this. WTH am i going to write about #smallactions now?? Anything will be boring compared to this. Hmmm, thanks a lot. P.S… Are you one those fidgters who bounces their leg up and down like you’re waiting for an interview? Except you’re actually talking to a friend? I can’t picture this about you but someday I’ll get to see first hand… hee hee.

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Michelle August 24, 2011 at 9:05 pm

What you will do is write an informative post that will actually BENEFIT people..silly girl.

And yes, it’s a rare moment that my leg ISN’T bouncing up and down. I think there is chihuahua in my bloodline. Definitely on my dad’s side.

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Cheryl August 24, 2011 at 8:58 pm

LMFAO. I may have to incorporate some of these into my day.

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Michelle August 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm

May I suggest the food stealing?

I actually have stolen half and half from the company fridge. I can’t handle the powdered cream. OCCASIONALLY, hubs forgets my half and half. And yes, he DOES make my to go coffee in the morning.

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Girlwithnoname (Jackie) August 25, 2011 at 12:30 am

Gawd I love your stuff. This is freaking hilarious.

I need a book outta you. seriously. maybe we should partner (what the hell am I talking about? its taking me EONS just to get MINE online… sigh…).. well once I have that part mastered maybe we should partner. but you should get writing NOW!

:-)

xo
J

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ragemichelle August 25, 2011 at 6:59 am

honestly, I’ve been thinking about it. Maybe even doing a little writing.

How come the blog is so fucking easy, but when I try to write anything else it sucks and it’s hard?

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Girlwithnoname (Jackie) August 25, 2011 at 12:30 pm

because you’re putting unnecessary expectations on what needs to be in a book. What you do here on the blog would be a freaking best seller. 20 chapters of ‘a day in the life’ written exactly the way you write?

If it’s something that can help people it would sell. Think of what your writing helps people with. Moral support, feeling not alone in their struggle to lose weight, feeling HOPE.

OMG! You could so do this.

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Girlwithnoname (Jackie) August 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm

plus a damn good laugh on a day they might not otherwise get one. You’re FUNNY. Look where the bridget jones stuff went! (not saying you should write fiction, but you could… I’m assuming you’d write in the first person, maybe even about yourself…. that’s what I did for most of MINE. How *I* lost my weight, what MY workouts were and what motivated me to finally get tired of my excess weight and do something about it… I wrote it from that perspective because that’s what my followers kept ASKING for… now if I could just get it online I’d be rockin’ it… )

(can someone go light a fire under my webmaster’s ass please? ;-) )

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The baby sister August 25, 2011 at 2:41 am

Wasn’t in a laughing mood tonight..but ya did it!Thanks Shelley…

And OMG my nephew totally ROCKS!!but you already know this :P

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ragemichelle August 25, 2011 at 7:00 am

Glad you liked it baby sister.. and yes..your nephew rocks hard!

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Joanna August 25, 2011 at 7:04 am

Wow, I really need to incorporate a few of those!!!

Not that I haven’t always loved your blog – but the past few posts have really gotten me thinking….and I want to thank you BIG time for it.

You’ve hit the nail on the head (my head) every time… now I just need to get my bahooty in gear and start doing something with all this wonderful, and doable, advice. :)

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ragemichelle August 25, 2011 at 7:21 am

Wow, thanks Joanna…

I’m glad you’re thinking. I am too. I’m better at writing about this than practicing..at least lately.

I have such a hard time dealing with stress..it shuts me down. I need to start taking some little steps..it’s when I think about ALL i should do that I clam up.

one thing at a time…we’ll get there!!

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Anne-Mhairi Simpson August 28, 2011 at 5:14 pm

I’m hating baby steps, but have to take them. They’re definitely a good start, just frustrating as hell because it means going so S L O W L Y. But yes, they do work. Slowly. Grump.

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Michelle August 28, 2011 at 6:10 pm

I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I hate how long this takes. I am not a patient person. Actually, that is understating by quite a bit.. I have little to NO patience…I want it to happen more quickly…but alas..

baby steps it is…

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