I am in a bad relationship.
It’s one sided. I give and give and give and all I get back is grief. This is not like me. I’ve had enough husbands that I can refer to one as the ‘middle’ one, so obviously, I do NOT believe in staying in bad relationships.
The scale will dictate how I feel. It demands to be stepped on multiple times a day. Sometimes within minutes of the last time.
The scale is a cruel master. It will shift it’s numbers upwards by a RIDICULOUS amount and then force me to check and double check and TRIPLE check, because THAT shit can’t be right. How could I gain six fucking pounds in one day?
We didn’t have a scale when we first started losing weight. We were at least 6 weeks into this before we bought one. What a fucking mistake THAT was. I paid for the motherfucker. I PAID for it. That means it is mine to use. It’s not there to turn me into a wussy, cry baby.
If it was actually motivating for me to check my weight no less than 3 times a day, then I’d say the scale was a GREAT tool. Turns out, it’s just a tool.
I am going to free myself from the scale.
I’m done with it.
I KNOW that I need to adjust my diet again. And I am KICKING ASS with my work outs. I may not be at beast status by ANY stretch, but for me? As I’ve said before, I’m a motherfucking bad ass.
The scale plays no part of this. It gains me nothing. It makes me feel bad and good every week with the end result being an erratic feeling of failure that never really goes away.
That is a twisted, fucked up relationship right there. If the object of your obsession can fly you to the moon and turn you into a soulless zombie in the same week, well then, it has GOT to GO.
I’m going to keep going forward. I’m going to keep kicking ass.
I’m not saying I will NEVER weigh myself again. I will. But it will be on MY terms. And until I can weight myself without making my self-esteem plummet, I have banned myself from the scale.
Besides, I bought something new. A tape measure.
I’ve never measured myself. I’m going to do that and keep tabs on my progress that way for a while.
This will be so much more healthy for me.
I hope it loves me. It’s really cute. Do you think it loves me?