My Emancipation

by Michelle on May 20, 2011

I am in a bad relationship.

It’s one sided. I give and give and give and all I get back is grief. This is not like me. I’ve had enough husbands that I can refer to one as the ‘middle’ one, so obviously, I do NOT believe in staying in bad relationships.

But I am. It’s with a blue square that hasĀ  a digital readout. It’s not even that attractive.

The scale will dictate how I feel. It demands to be stepped on multiple times a day. Sometimes within minutes of the last time.

The scale is a cruel master. It will shift it’s numbers upwards by a RIDICULOUS amount and then force me to check and double check and TRIPLE check, because THAT shit can’t be right. How could I gain six fucking pounds in one day?

We didn’t have a scale when we first started losing weight. We were at least 6 weeks into this before we bought one. What a fucking mistake THAT was. I paid for the motherfucker. I PAID for it. That means it is mine to use. It’s not there to turn me into a wussy, cry baby.

If it was actually motivating for me to check my weight no less than 3 times a day, then I’d say the scale was a GREAT tool. Turns out, it’s just a tool.

I am going to free myself from the scale.

I’m done with it.

I KNOW that I need to adjust my diet again. And I am KICKING ASS with my work outs. I may not be at beast status by ANY stretch, but for me? As I’ve said before, I’m a motherfucking bad ass.

The scale plays no part of this. It gains me nothing. It makes me feel bad and good every week with the end result being an erratic feeling of failure that never really goes away.

That is a twisted, fucked up relationship right there. If the object of your obsession can fly you to the moon and turn you into a soulless zombie in the same week, well then, it has GOT to GO.

I’m going to keep going forward. I’m going to keep kicking ass.

I’m not saying I will NEVER weigh myself again. I will. But it will be on MY terms. And until I can weight myself without making my self-esteem plummet, I have banned myself from the scale.

Besides, I bought something new. A tape measure.

I’ve never measured myself. I’m going to do that and keep tabs on my progress that way for a while.

This will be so much more healthy for me.

I hope it loves me. It’s really cute. Do you think it loves me?

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana May 20, 2011 at 8:39 pm

Righteous baby!! The scale is addicting and it’s not healthy. What’s it going to accomplish looking at it every day? It’s JUST like the stock market. Keep an eye on it regularly but not obsessively. (I know nothing about the stock market but this is what I hear. So it must be true.) Good job, this is a biggie.

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ragemichelle May 20, 2011 at 9:22 pm

It really is. And it truly does feel like the end of a bad relationship. Like my two first marriages, one day I just thought, WHAT the FUCK am I doing?

Same thing with the scale.

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AthleteComesBack May 20, 2011 at 9:45 pm

I can relate….I ditched my “punk a$$” scale along back because it kept hurting my feelings and making my self esteem change within minutes…I am glad that he no longer has a home with you as well.

HUGS from me to you.

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Michelle May 20, 2011 at 9:57 pm

Thanks for the hugs..and hugs make me..well, squirmish. I’m not good at the touching. And I’m glad you ditched yours as well. They’re just fuckheads.

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Tricia May 20, 2011 at 10:24 pm

Oh! This is so me! Only, for some reason, my life doesn’t come to an end. It’s disappointing – you know, the way your parents looked at you when they found out you did something they never thought you could be capable of – that look. Disappointment. Sigh.

I am not where you are though. I can’t give it up. I won’t let it go! It’s mine! I NEED it! I believe it makes me accountable. Right! It’s my accountability partner! I’m not in tune enough with my own body and my own habits to let it go.

I measure myself, too. Before a rotation and after. There’s not as much emotional attachment there. Maybe that’s a good thing.

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Michelle May 20, 2011 at 10:26 pm

Oh sister. You need to give it up as bad as I do. Although, I would have been you two months ago. I’m checking with you in July. Bet you give it up then.

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Mattiethereader May 23, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Break up NOW! I gave up weighing myself a couple of months ago, and it is liberating! I’ve been addicted to the scales for so many years that it was a little scary not weighing myself every day, but now I go by the fit of my jeans and it is so much better for my mental health. I would get on the scales every day, and if they registered even the minutest gain, that would set my mood for the day. I eat well, I train daily, but still would show a gain. So now, I weigh myself only on MY terms, not daily. I figure if my skinny jeans still fit, I’m doing OK.

Good luck with breaking that addiction. Be strong.

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Michelle May 23, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Thank you!! So far..I am NOT even close to reconciling. We are through. I don’t even want to be friends. It’s still in my bathroom..the hubs is still addicted.

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Juliette December 31, 2011 at 10:29 am

I also really like bodyfat calipers because they are very consistent. Accumeasure is the brand I use because I don’t need someone else to pinch me – i can pinch myself. Amazing honesty in your blog. Also Tom Venuto’s E-book really helped me get control over my fitness progress. But it’s all about aesthetics. Burn the Fat Feed the muscle. It’s pricey for an ebook and my hubs thought it was a stupid purchase but i’ve read it at least 3 times. I re read it whenever I fall into a slump.

Your commitment to honesty, self transformation and self betterment is a wonderful thing.

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Michelle December 31, 2011 at 2:30 pm

THANK YOU! I love recommendations..and as I am a recent new owner of an e-reader, I will definitely be purchasing that book.

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