You Must Focus, Grasshoppa

by Michelle on April 6, 2011

If you don’t know who Master Po is, then you are very young. Google it. I’m not telling you. Baby.

This is a biggie for me.

Staying on track. I am FINE to follow a good work out and a semi-good eating routine. As long as everything stays the same all the time. The planets have to be aligned in such a way the the moonlight casts the perfect shadow at night, showing my ass in the best possible light.  

See?

Focus. I must focus.

In three days, Big sister and her family will be here. Little sister and baby girl will be here. We will have ALL the grandkids for days. I LOVE when all my kids are home.

With them here, though, I can kiss my fucking routine goodbye. My elliptisuck will have to be hidden away in my baby boy’s room lest little grandbaby fingers get pinched.

Since I started this life change last June, I’ve been thrown off, derailed, sidetracked and stalled. But, I’m not down.  I never gave in. I can remember a time around the holidays that I was ready to throw in the towel and just go ahead and be a great big fat girl. I had average fat girl down fucking cold for years. Fuck getting into shape. It’s hard and it’s slow and who needs the fucking aggravation, right?

Fuck that. Wrong. I’m not a fat girl anymore. I am a slightly pudgy, getting into shape, badass motherfucker. That’s what I am.

However, I would a slightly less pudgy, badass motherfucker if I didn’t get derailed so easily. And, as long as we’re talking about lack of focus here, ‘pudgy’ and ‘badass’ should never inhabit the same sentence. There is something inherently wrong with that.

But I digress. Again.

Here is the point, finally, when the number of people living in my house more than doubles for 5 days, my routine is gonna be blown to hell. I will have all kinds of good intentions. I’ll use my torture step instead. I will round up all the little ones and walk at the park. I’ll get up early and lift weights.

History shows, however, that even though I have good intentions, those things just are not going to happen. I’m going to have to feed the troops and I doubt I’m going to get away with serving salads and protein shakes, which are staples around our house these days.

So…that means that not only will my exercise routine suffer and I rely heavily on my exercise routine,I’m pretty sure it’s the only thing that keeps me from killing my boss, but my eating is gonna take a hit as well. Again, it’s all well and good to have good intentions. How many of you can read the phrase ‘good intentions’ and NOT think about Jules Winfield. “I’m sorry, did I break your concentration? You were saying something about good intentions”? Good intentions don’t mean shit unless you back them up with good actions.

Come to think of it, maybe if I DID have a Tarantino gangster holding a gun to my head, I’d find it easier to stay on track. But I think that relying on fictional bad guys may NOT be the optimal plan to getting into shape.

This is not me saying that I won’t try

I will. I will try to find the focus. I will try to stay on track. If  I don’t stay on track, I know I’ll get back on track. I haven’t come this fucking far to fail just before shorts season.

I don’t want to derail this time. My workouts have increased to a level that I didn’t think possible for me. I bought a pair of Lucky jeans on eBay and they are just a few elliptisuck miles away from making my ass look better than it has for 15 years. I don’t want to wait any more to wear those jeans. I went THEN to be NOW.

I hate waiting.

I must focus.

Give me some tips or tricks or motivation.How do you stay on track when the planets are misaligned and little munchkins take over your house?

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Thais April 7, 2011 at 8:42 pm

I AM THE SAME WAY!! If the littlest thing changes my routine I am completely derailed and give up. I am awful at being flexible and “making my fitness fit” no no. if i dont make it at the scheduled time I’m not going at all. SO tips? Tricks? hmmmmmm I could say – wake up earlier, focus on at least ONE healthy meal.. but we all know how hard those are to stick by it. OH here we go – tell EVERYONE to help you stay accountable. If a million people bug you about your workout and food… maybe you’ll feel more of a push to get it done!

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Michelle April 7, 2011 at 9:21 pm

oh my! You know how I know for sure that this is damn fine advice? Because my FIRST reaction was, I’m not telling ANY of them that I am struggling, because if I do, well….then they might actually try to hold me accountable..and that’s no fun.

So..I guess I’ll have to ask for their help. Sigh.

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SOB April 7, 2011 at 9:09 pm

Eating smaller portions of near anything will keep that calorie count down.

I don’t exercise so I have no advice worth a damn. Curl your smallest several times then work up to your largest young’n. I think that’s called … Hell, I can’t remember what it’s called when you stress the muscles against immoveable objects or each other.

I wore my small jeans today. I’d been wearing the layered shirt look, fuck the cold, but today it was nice enough to try the small jeans and sonofabitch, they fit without a struggle, with a heavy shirt.

I eat well. I just eat less. Popcorn instead of eating everything in the house. Floss, brush, whitening strip. Then that’s it for the day.

You don’t HAVE to gain a pound. Up to you. Eat less. I’ll laugh if you gain weight. That’ll mean that you gave up. Moo.

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Michelle April 7, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Dammit. I totally commented out of order.

Anyway!! HA! you mooed at me? That is fucking awesome. And yes, that actually helps a little. Although, you realize, if we ever meet in person? yeah, I’m completely kicking your ass. :)

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SOB April 8, 2011 at 5:39 am

I ain’t skeered.

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ragemichelle April 8, 2011 at 7:27 pm

I dunno..apparently, I’m pretty fucking scary.

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Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana April 9, 2011 at 8:49 am

I ALWAYS get derailed with a change of routine. Don’t fret about it too much doll… Just try not to overeat. Forget the exercise, because you will anyway. It’s the eating that will get you. You can easily gain a few pounds over five days. So watch what you put in your mouth :)

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ragemichelle April 9, 2011 at 9:08 am

Now, how come that sounded just a little bit dirty? :)

Yeah, I didn’t work out yesterday at all. But I did yard work.

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Misty @ Life Off the D List April 18, 2011 at 8:01 am

Planning is key! It helps to plan your workout time and your free time that way when something comes up you know when you have a little time to adjust things…while im still working on this and dont always write it out I still have to have a game plan in my head…
“ok this week 5 workouts, 3 strength days, off day Sunday and 1 other one, strength days Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday…” see my game plan this week while I havent put it on paper this week I know what I expect myself to do and if im not doing it

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Misty @ Life Off the D List April 18, 2011 at 8:02 am

also I find that I HAVE to do a workout on Mondays …if I dont it messes my whole week up and makes it that much easier to say oh well maybe tomorrow!

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ragemichelle April 18, 2011 at 10:25 am

I know what you mean. And working out first thing in the morning works out well for me. I ALWAYS have a better day if I work out first thing.

I did NOT work out this morning. sigh.

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