5 Things I Can No Longer Do

by Michelle on March 14, 2011

I guess getting older is better than the alternative, but I have this to say about getting older. FUCK getting older. There is a lot about it that sucks ass. And getting older NOT for wussies.

With that being said, aging feels cool. I like me better than I did when I was a younger. I have more fun now than when I was younger. When I was younger, I was always looking forward. Looking to a time when things would be easier, when I’d have more money, and when I’d be happier.

It’s taken a lot of years, but I can honestly say I’ve learned to live in the moment. I don’t look to a time when things will be better. Either they will or they won’t which doesn’t mean shit right this moment.

In any case, there are things that I can’t do anymore. It would be NICE to be able to do things I could do when I was 20 years old. Add 28 years to that and things just aren’t the same anymore.

1.  Touch my toes above my head - Yep. I used to be able to do that. I could stand against a wall and raise my leg until my toes touched the wall above my head. Sure, I needed HELP to do that, but still, how many of you can claim to be that flexible. As an older woman, I am still pretty fucking flexible, but I think those 20 year days of flexibility are gone for good.

2. Wear a bikini - Okay, I COULD wear one if I wanted, but it would NOT be pretty. I don’t care how much weight I lose by bathing suit season, this old body is never gonna look good in a bikini. Too many miles, too many pounds gained and lost, and too many kids born. But a cute little set with board shorts and a tankini top? Yes, I do believe THAT is in my near future.

3. Party all night - It would be GREAT to stay up all night hanging with friends and acting up. I think last summer, I stayed up until 3:00 AM one time. I recall the next day being difficult.. Honestly, I think a good part of the week was difficult. Hubs and I have a GOOD time when the weather is warm. However, midnight is a good stopping time.

4. Wear high heeled shoes - Okay, I DO sometimes still wear high heeled shoes. They look so good, but they feel like crap. Why on Earth would I torture myself every day by walking on stilts? I’ll break an ankle. I’ll have sore feet all day long. I’m sure, from time to time, I will continue to wear the death trap shoes, but every day? Fuck that. Give me flip flops, ballet flats, and my Chuck Taylors®. I might COLLECT the fun shoes, but that doesn’t mean I have to wear them, right?

5. Wait - I have no time left to wait. If I’m going to accomplish the things I desire, then it’s time to stop dreaming and time to start acting. There is no more time for dreaming. None. I cannot afford to wait anymore. I cannot wait to complete getting into shape. If I want to go to school, I need to go to school. If I want to finish the writing project I’ve been toying with for TEN years, then I need to fucking finish it. If I want to change jobs, then I need to start looking for a new job. I don’t have the luxury of hazy future years. Those years are here now. They’ve BEEN here for a while. It’s time to stop waiting and time to start doing.

Age isn’t a reason to give up. Age isn’t a reason to limit ourselves. Perhaps adjustments need to be made. That might be true. But if you are my age or older, what do you want from life? Don’t wait any longer. Don’t wait to get into shape. Don’t wait to learn how to knit. Don’t wait to learn how to change your own oil. Don’t wait get your degree. Do it now.

If you are much younger than me? Well, you’ll get here before you know it. You shouldn’t wait either. Get on with living your life. Don’t wait for some shady, hazy future for things to be different. Make your own differences. Decide what you want and go fucking get it!

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Exhausdad March 14, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Thanks for #5. Really needed to “hear” that today. You rock!


Michelle March 14, 2011 at 6:59 pm

I DO rock. :)

I’m glad it was good for you to hear. That’s really what I want to do with this blog. Well, that and I’m a complete attention whore.


ChelseaBeingReal March 14, 2011 at 6:51 pm

I think that approaching 30 really made me evaluate my life and where/who I want to be when I reach that milestone. I used to think that 30 was old! God, what did I know!!!??!?! It was the kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together.


Michelle March 14, 2011 at 6:58 pm

Yeah, 30..then 40..and now I have 50 coming up. I don’t want to waste anymore time. I really don’t.


James March 14, 2011 at 9:50 pm

I’m married, you’re married, but I still want to hear more about this foot behind the head thing. ;-)


Michelle March 15, 2011 at 6:13 am

I’m just very bendy. Not as much as I used to be, but still..bendy enough. :)

I have two younger sisters and no brothers. When we were in our teens, my dad made us take karate for self-defense. There was a LOT of stretching involved. My sisters and I found out we were part gumby..


Janece Suarez March 14, 2011 at 11:51 pm

GREAT post, hon. I’m with you. F getting older! I will turn 45 in July and I like myself better today than I think I ever have.

With age comes wisdom…AND proving that you can still rock sexy when you want. =)



Michelle March 15, 2011 at 6:11 am

Thanks, Janece! I do love a LOT of things about getting older. But the things I don’t like, I really don’t. Another reason to get into good shape..


Tracey March 15, 2011 at 7:39 am

What wisdom all these years have given you! Move on or move over world… “Here she comes!”

Great reminders to all of us old and young. Times a wasting…

Thanks Michelle!


ragemichelle March 15, 2011 at 8:28 am

Thanks, Tracey! I’m just glad I’ve learned a FEW things along the way.

I think many of my life lessons I learn in spite of my damn self.


GB Girl March 15, 2011 at 5:51 pm

How did you get inside my head?! I’ve been having these same kind of thoughts a lot lately. A LOT! Life is way too short to keep putting things off.

Great post!


Michelle March 15, 2011 at 5:59 pm

That’s exactly right! And I’m NOT in your head, we are just thinking the same things, which means you must be TERRIBLY clever, intelligent and witty…


Suzanne @WorkoutNirvana March 15, 2011 at 8:07 pm

Let’s see. I was flexible when I was 12. I may need to lose about three pounds before I can wear a bikini this summer. I can’t party past about 11. I can’t really wear high heels. And I’m impatient as hell. A big fat check for all those. Your next post will be about what old people CAN do, right? Or at the very least, about your wildest fantasies. Still waiting on that one (you can even steal the one I had about my husband being able to color my hair).


ragemichelle March 15, 2011 at 8:54 pm

3 whole pounds??? Whatever will you do? :)

We can do LOTS of things. I wouldn’t trade my years. Just my gray and these odd little lines that are popping up around my eyes.

Wildest fantasy? Well..really, as far as a love life, I am living it. Now, if I could only be independently wealthy..yes…that is my wildest fantasy..


Gayla Tanner March 18, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I could never do the bendy thing, I’m jealous of 20 year old you! Sage advice all around!


ragemichelle March 18, 2011 at 8:21 pm

and i am still pretty fucking bendy. :)


Lisa April 18, 2011 at 10:12 pm

I feel ya….I used to be able to DANCE in high heels–now I can barely wear them to a restaurant where I SIT for most of the night. :)


ragemichelle April 19, 2011 at 6:40 am

Yeah, I still wear them occasionally. I have some REALLY cute boots with heels. I always regret wearing them..but damn..they really are cute.


Kris @Krazy_Kris May 15, 2011 at 8:45 pm

Whoa… did that one chicklet mention approaching 30? that’s sort of not what I think of – ha!


Michelle May 15, 2011 at 8:58 pm

yeah..my pseudo kids and one real kid is approaching 30 or are ALREADY 30. Babies.


Sandra October 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

Ha! I turned 51 this year. Not doin too bad I guess. Only about 10lbs heavier than I’d like to be. I no longer do bikinis either though. Board shorts rock with a bikini top :-) . I’m finally doing what I would’ve like to have been doing in my 20′s: owning, riding and training my own horses. So, life is good and turning 50 is no biggie, with the exception of, I sometimes can’t believe I’m actually that old! I feel 30 :-) . Go Michelle!


ragemichelle October 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

Yeah, I am amazed I am the age I am. I don’t ACT my age..but I am cool with that.


Jeff H February 24, 2012 at 12:48 am

Way behind as usual but just catching this now. Not too bendy here but getting better thanks to yoga! I can still party all night long and the next day & night too. Serial. Even though I’m now 50, I can still run circles around guys less than half my age at 5am. Playin hockey on the ice and drinking beers all night! W00t! People think I’m my son’s brother! Nobody guesses I’m over 38.Took him to college and I got asked which dorm I was assigned to, what my major was going to be, etc! At three diff times! No bikini or high heals here, LOL, but starting to rock it to the point that I’m not embarrassed to take my shirt off in public any more. I do like that. :)


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: